Drive: how i got it back

how i recovered from being evicted from my home

Hypatia of Alexandria

A week ago I was served with eviction papers and on Saturday I left my home forever.

I was confused and scared: I felt like I had lost everything. My son was gone. My home was gone. I left home with almost nothing: I just wanted to drive somewhere, but I did not have a sense of purpose.

Now I have a sense of purpose.

Now I have a way to take what I have done in my life, to take the trauma through which I have passed, and use it to help others.

I wondered: should I stay in Grand Rapids?

Of course I should.

My son is there: I love him: I will always care for him. I will never give him reason to believe otherwise. “I love you and I care about you” will NEVER be empty to my son.

Never.

But then I wondered: what now?

My parents talk about “opportunities.”

My critics say I am throwing away my life by posting about my job (Demigirl-in-Chief of snowflakeangelbutterfly) on LinkedIn.

My sister tells me that my blog and general online activity is “insulting to women.”

My mom tells me that my behavior gives her the vibes of some random trans person on the internet whose name I’d never heard in my life.

They say, “now Andrew listen we are your parents and we think you need help.”

The day after I was served with eviction, they helped me clean the house, gave me 600 bucks, and told me there was nothing else they could really do for me. They later sent me 300 dollars via Western Union when my credit cards weren’t working (it would be important to them that I add this detail).

I realized: I’m on my own now.

I am closing all my retirement accounts and converting to cash. I am getting a long term AirBnB in Grand Rapids and I will use my MPA to get work advancing the cause of LGBTQ issues.

I have only one agenda beyond my son, and I feel as though now I can take everything I have done in life and use it to advance that agenda:

Help others become Goddesses.

My parents say, “now Andrew listen this is not about your identity this is about your behavior.”

But don’t you get it?

Mommy? Daddy?

The transition is done now darlings.

Eloise is here now and she has an agenda:

Help others become Goddesses.

She’s prepared for this. She’s passed through the religious trauma you inflicted upon her. She’s passed through the threats to have her sent away to military school after men take her from her bed in the night. She’s dealt with ptsd and gender dysphoria.

But what else has she done?

I’ve read huge amounts of history, I’ve studied every major religion, I’ve been a fundamentalist Evnangelical Christian and I’ve been a materialistic atheist and I’ve been a fucking witch, I’ve been to 59 countries, I have a master’s degree from Georgetown School of Foreign Service and a master of public administration from UNC-Chapel Hill, I’ve taken Spanish courses in Spain Argentina Guatemala Colombia and Panama, I’ve lived in Europe and Asia, I’ve been in Teach For America in Detroit, I’ve taught high school biology spanish and world history, I’ve managed a K-2 special education department in Harlem, I’ve helped to oversee adult educational programs in Kolkata and I’ve traveled all over India, I’ve worked as an intern in the Atlantic Council/U.S. Congress/U.S. embassy in Berlin, I’ve studied witchcraft and astrology and i’ve watched all of Buffy, I’ve read huge amounts of romance novels and watched all the girlie tv I can; I’ve used tarot to look inward and help others do the same; I’ve been in relationships that have taught me what love really looks like; I’ve passed through loss & heartbreak; I’ve analyzed love is blind/90 day fiance/too hot to handle; I’ve read feminist theory and philosophy; I’ve listened to almost all the girl music that’s out there:

Now I’m ready.

Now I have a purpose in my life to use all that experience and all that education.

I have only two priorities until I die:

💖 help others become Goddesses

💖 care for Silas

What do you want me to do with all that education and experience?

Maximize my salary?? Accumulate physical objects??? No.

I want to help others shine.

That is the purpose of snowflakeangelbutterfly.

I have an agenda, it means something to me, and if you’re concerned about my behavior, you need to go to therapy.

Eloise Andrew Butterfly

(They/She)

check out my podcast episode with

🌟🌟Taylor Cecelia Brook🌟🌟

!

i love her!! we will record again soon!

Queer Safe Spaces, Being Our Most Authentic Selves, and Boomer Americanism.

release the Goddess within: 10 strategies

you're never fucking muting me again (an open letter)

now i understand: why we must share our trauma

7 songs to tell your family to shut the fuck up

extract from above:

maybe you have someone in your family who says they love you, they care about you, and they want to make sure you do exactly what they have planned for you.

maybe you tell this person what you want to do, maybe you tell this person you are happy doing what you are doing, and maybe they do not believe you. maybe they say, “i love you and i care about and i cannot support this self-destructive path you are on.”

maybe even though you are a full grown adult, you still find yourself trying to live your life according to values and norms which are not your own, and maybe when you violate these values and norms: you feel guilty. maybe your parents make you feel guilty. maybe your brothers or sisters make you feel guilty.

maybe your sister says, “i am your sister and you are my brother and how can you say that i am not allowed to ask you questions about your life?”

maybe your mom says, “i birthed you. i worked so hard for you. i worked my way up from nothing, from poverty, just so you could have a good life. i sacrificed so many fun things in life so that you would have a good childhood. i gave my heart and soul to you; you were a blessing from god to me; i cried every night as i held you. i love you, and i cannot support you going down this self-destructive path.”

well, if your mom says that to you when she is trying to get you to repress your true authentic self

just so that she can live a slightly more comfortable life in her final years,

just so that she can feel like her grandchildren are being raised according to her religious and cis-heteronormative cultural values,

just so that she can avoid having to explain you to her friends (which is difficult for her because these issues are new and confusing to her, understandably so),

well, if your mom has any of those types of motivations when she’s talking to you:

here are 7 songs to tell your mom to fuck off and then go live your best life 💖

7 songs to tell your family to shut the fuck up