autumn senior year: a love story, a cheater, and a loss of virginity
swept off his feet during senior year: A's faith comes crumbling down and his virginity goes to hell too
erotic content
this is a work of fiction
a final chance for high school romance
i know it’s wrong but G is out of town and i like R so much.
G introduced me to R in the spring: G says he wants to ask her to homecoming.
i had a girlfriend then, but i don’t anymore. she dumped me in july, right there in the hallway of a berlin youth hostel, and a bit of me was relieved: i would see R soon.
R is in the grade below me, like most of my new friends: she doesn’t know anything about how i spent seven months locked in my bedroom reading the bible. i am so ashamed of that time and i don’t want anyone to know about it: i want to be normal, and i only have one more year, my senior year, to be a normal kid: a kid who is not constantly terrified of hell and imagining people being tortured by demons.
all photos my own
R just beams light: her beautiful red curly hair, the bright blush on her cheeks, the studded belts she strings around her hot topic jeans. i’m never dressed like i want to be: i wear oversized hoodies and khakis and i don’t dare contemplate fashion.
R amazes me: she is the school’s star actor, winning the female leads in play after play, and when she sings i’m starving: i pick her up sometimes from vocal lessons. she sings to me in the while i drive her home, and i’m just starving.
the idea that R could be attracted to me seems absurd. i am one spilled secret away from her discovering my fundamentalist past: she is a christian, sure, but nothing like i was, and how would she react if she could see what a psycho i am?
besides, i have other secrets too. secrets that if people knew, they’d reject me.
my fashion, my lack of extracurriculars, my lack of musical talent: all of this makes me feel so unattractive. but it’s clear when R looks at me: she likes me. she’s glittering.
contents:
💖 a final chance for high school romance
💖 what about G?
💖 nightfall at the elementary school
💖 naked in the basement
💖 at church with R: R’s “manly” brother
💖 driving around at night with R: dancing in the rain
💖 homecoming: “i love you”
💖 football games: L sneaks beneath the bleachers
💖 school play: R passionately kisses another actor
💖 halloween with R: we are the powerpuff girls
💖 with L in the playground after dark (i)
💖 a house party in november
💖 the drunken vortex: L takes me to the bathroom
💖 sad snowy morning oral with R
💖 with L in the playground after dark (ii)
💖 is my moral worth dependent on my relationship’s longevity? i think maybe so.
💖 with L in the playground after dark (iii)
💖 a final house party
💖 into the bedroom
💖 a world opens up
what about G?
before G goes out of town, the three of us are often bopping around the suburbs hanging out at random department stores, playgrounds, parks, and fast food chains. soon the weather will be cold and we will retreat into the basements.
G leaves for vacation: i meet R often that early august while G is out of town.
R and i have this idea we keep bouncing between ourselves without ever saying the thing: what about G?
as we walk drenched in the last summer sunlight we are discussing G and how much we care about G and how much we miss G.
“G is such a great friend,” we both agree.
but in truth i am sick of G.
“i really like you,” i tell her at some point, and we turn and stare at one another.
“i really like you too, A,” she says.
and just like that we are holding hands.
“wait,” she says, “what about G?”
that’s when we realize we have no clue where we are: we have on idea where i parked.
nightfall at the elementary school
we talk for around an hour while trying to find my car: all we have is our flip phones.
20% of all revenue i raise per month after fees will go to the LGBTQ fund of the Grand Rapids Community Foundation, an organization in my community. 💖
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