daddy, it's me again darling! want me to teach you how to use the internet baby? (Republished)
one night my dad called me. he didn't ask me about my feelings: he spent 20 minutes explaining to me the "purpose of linkedin" lol so here's some fun advice for how to properly use the internet
“i’m no longer interested in performing for anyone but myself”
tw: childhood / emotional abuse
did you really believe they wouldn’t let me post this on linked in dad?
lol
seriously?
how many times did you say it,
“he can’t do this on linked in”
before you actually read my writing?
remember when you came out to see me?
you hadn’t seen me since i came out in july.
my blog came up. i mentioned i was proud of my writing.
i said it was going really well.
“i don’t read it,” you said.
tell me daddy,
why didn’t you let me?
why didn’t you let me explain all this to you?
why do you make it so hard?
yes, sure, you drove out here to talk one day, but i had sent you such a heavy e-mail… the details of which you never responded to at all.
didn’t you feel like maybe after i’d sent you another e-mail telling you i had spent my entire adult life wanting off-and-on to commit suicide, and in which i detailed so many specific examples of how you’d been talking to me (which i won’t torture you with again here), that maybe after everything i’d shared with you, you could’ve at least… written something beyond telling me of course you love me?
were you more worried about your legacy?
were you more worried about me vaping weed on the porch?
did you think my depression was simply a thing to be fixed?
or: do you think there might have been a few underlying conditions behind my constant sadness that i was never able to discuss with you?
i’ve never heard you talk about your feelings.
i hope you will one day.
i know you’re beautiful on the inside.
if you were to let that out, you’d be free
but for now you aren’t
so listen carefully darling:
i want to give you some advice for how you can have some more fun on the internet.
one final question for you daddy:
are you still concerned about my behavior on the internet?
