our anger and the images in our minds (willow rage mode aftermath)
some thoughts on the images which we keep inside of our minds: and the feelings which these can precipitate or control
the yakshis in my mind
as i wrote in my clairo post:
i am constantly reading about buddhist and hindu art.
the yakshis stand out most of all.
they are feminine forest spirits who often flank hindu and buddhist gods.
i want to be a yakshi in a future life.
sometimes i walk around listening to clairo and daydreaming that i am a yakshi.
clairo, buddhism, nyc, and queerhood (retrospective diary: 2019-2024)
i mean, i am so happy i stopped reading the news.
i do read history books about the important issues! i want to know context.
but the daily news filled my mind with anger,
while thinking about yakshis made me happy and then gradually built up my own internal sense of self so as to be able to come out.
this is why i am so unashamed to kiss my scrunchies.
kissing my scrunchies makes me happy: therefore i kiss my scrunchies.
and i often still think about yakshis when i want to channel a more feminine energy.
in that same post, i mentioned that i was reading so many books about buddhist art in the spring. think about grabbing some art books! any kind of imagery that might connect with you is a chance to saturate your mind with more positive feelings; or even just with images that might stir you up inside to imagine something else you could be (remember that you exist as a light wave, not as a thing).
i got this one for like 2 dollars and these are just a few of the images in its pages:
yakshis are not the only images i keep in my mind when i want to channel a more feminine energy. buddhist art was only one of many types of artistic experiences i had in the last few years which helped me find myself and this is why i always emphasize how important it is that we immerse ourselves in art as much as possible.
here are two of the girls who helped me become me:
you don’t need to buy art books or watch tv shows to find these kinds of images.
you can also listen to music which is why i wrote this post:
and this one:
so that i could process and you could see how if you find art with which you truly connect with on a deeper level, you too can immerse yourself and find yourself within that art!
this is why i still try not to read too much news; i still prefer history books.
i want to be informed but i do not want to be angry.
and i still have a lot more self-exploring to do.
so find an art book! find a new musical artist! find a new tv show!
all of these can help you build up powerful images in your mind which will help you become your true authentic self.
how all this applies to anger
when i was reading about buddhist and hindu art i learned about how you can dwell on certain types of images in order to channel or control certain types of feelings.
one example of this:
wrath gods.
wrath gods are these infuriated looking beings.
wikipedia: wrathful deities
i have read a few conflicting interpretations about them (correct me if i am wrong; i am only trying to be helpful!) but here are at least two as i understand them:
💖 the first i came across in one book: by looking at a wrath god, and by keeping the image in our minds, we can be reminded of the angry being we will become if we go down a path which results in being consumed by angry feelings
💖 however, i later discovered this to be a somewhat surface-level interpretation (although still a useful one by all means).
here is an interesting article i found while googling about wrath gods:
Understanding the Practice of Wrathful Deities in Tibetan Buddhism
article
extract:So, how to understand the Wrathful Deities and their gruesome appearances?
The focus of many contemplative practices in Tibetan Buddhism.
"Wrathfulness is a way of depicting the formidable energy of compassion that cannot bear the sufferings of beings. There is no trace of hatred or anger in it".
Simply, it is a way in which the peaceful free nature of primordial wisdom manifests. A very dynamic way is required to beings from particular kinds of suffering.
The following symbolisms associated with the wrathful deities will make this view clearer.
💖 The hair bristles upward in a blazing mane. Out of overwhelming compassion for the intense suffering of beings caught up in delusion.
💖 If they have only 1 head, it symbolizes the absolute truth. If they have 3 heads, they represent the three dimensions of Buddhahood Trikaya. The transformation of the three main mental poisons-Desire, Anger, and Ignorance.
💖 Their 2 arms represent the union of wisdom (the realization of emptiness) and skillful means (compassion). If they have six arms, these are to remind us of the six transcendent perfections (Paramita). Namely: Generosity, Discipline, Patience, Diligence, Concentration, and Wisdom.
💖 Their two legs represent absolute space (dharmadhatu) and awareness (vidya), inseparable. If four, they symbolize the four boundless qualities-Love, Compassion, Joy, and Impartiality.
💖 The 58 dry skulls that some wrathful deities wear symbolize the death of the 58 kinds of deluded thought.
💖 Their razor-sharp wings symbolize penetrating wisdom.
💖 Their 3 eyes symbolize perfect knowledge of the Past, Present, and Future.
💖 These deities are not seen as having material, tangible bodies of flesh, blood, and bone. But the bodies are of light, vivid and translucent like a rainbow. Totally immaterial, like the reflection of the moon in the water.
Wrathful deities are full of wisdom and love and the power to reduce pain. There are many meditational deities that have both peaceful and wrathful forms.
The wisdom-wrath of these deities, therefore, symbolizes the conquest of hatred and the other mental poisons. These poisons create suffering for both ourselves and others as well.
(hearts my own 💖)
i will work to heighten my practice of keeping wrath gods in my mind as reminders of what i will become if i do not practice mindfulness about my anger.
and also i had one final reflection.
i was thinking about how there is so much hatred for us in this world. what do we do about it? honestly i have no idea. i try to be joyful. and i violated that: i have righteous wrath for the multitudes of “beings in delusion” in our world (as the article would so perfectly put it) who hate us for no reason,
and it can be tempting to just go off on them. especially on the internet.
but if we get too angry, we too become delusional!
so i always think about this jesus quote, which i have thought about ever since i first read it at 16 as a fundamentalist christian:
And He said, “What comes out of a man, that defiles a man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. (Mark 7:20-23)
it’s too bad jesus wasn’t more open-minded about fornication,
but he definitely had a point:
think about the content of what you’re putting into your heart 💖
