sertraline and me

should i have been taking sertraline?

right now i’m just waiting until 4 when i check into forest view. and all i can really do is think about the past year and everything that has happened to me, everything i have done to myself and others.

for so long i thought i just had depression, but i’m realizing that can’t be the case. in november 2023 i began taking sertraline and have taken it ever since. supposedly if a bipolar person takes sertraline, there is a risk for a manic episode. what else could describe the last few months?

this is why i need to keep seeking treatment and ensure i am on the right mix of medications. it’s horrifying to think that this all could have been avoided with the right treatment from the beginning, and that the medication i was taking might have made the whole situation worse.

what’s it mean? i regret getting help that november? no, i was rock bottom depressed. i needed to seek treatment at that time. but maybe that rock bottom depression was a part of my bipolar disorder? (if i am bipolar) and then with the beginning of this blog, i commenced a prolonged manic episode.

i’m not planning on keeping this updated with minute details about my diagnoses. but i wanted to record some additional thoughts as i think about the last several months.

i wish i had received the right treatment from the beginning. it’s so difficult not to be enraged with myself right now. even so, i can only go forward, and check-in will come soon.