going abroad and personal transformation (7 weekly readings)
how germany helped obliterate the fundamentalist christian inside me
more weekly readings:
discourse on our culture and girls
on finding and embracing ourselves
the magic of the night
perspectives on christianity & spirituality
why you should care what taylor swift thinks
germany 2005: refusing to drink as a 17 year old
i was 17, living with a host family for a month in germany.
i had recently recovered from fundamentalist christianity:
but the same values, drilled into my psyche, still governed my behavior and attitudes.
so i was 17 in germany, and i refused to drink. every party gave me new evidence that germany was a hopelessly wicked nation. it was true what i’d always grown up learning: europe was godless and socialist, evil and depraved, while america was a “shining city on a hill”, “one nation under god,” and “the greatest nation this world has ever seen” (lol).
but look, among other things: i grew up binging fox news, reading the bible, and writing calvinist theological treatises on the internet.
i mean, i did my 11th grade english project on the various christian theories for how the world might end!
i fucking gave that presentation to an english class of thirty peers!
and then a few months later i’m living with a host family in germany, debauchery everywhere!
17 and utterly thrilled to be in germany (heidelberg 2005)
the evils of germany
germany was just too much at that point. i mean, my host sister was allowed to have her boyfriend sleep over! and he would just like, have breakfast with the family! what! also: we were allowed to go out dancing and drinking! at bars!! what!!!!
and not only could we go out dancing and drinking: parents just let their kids throw straight-up ragers in their houses! i saw people touching each other beneath their clothes! i saw someone get taken away to have their stomach pumped! people were puking and making out and smoking weed!
someone got arrested!
you know what i had posted on the internet only nine months before?
“god strike me down with lighting if i ever have sex, married or not married.”
yeah, i could NOT handle this.
there were even nights when we’d get driven out to some huge field in the middle of nowhere. there would be enormous amounts of alcohol, cigarettes, even absinthe. the parents would just leave their kids there and peace out. we’d be up until two, three.
i was torn between wanting to join and knowing i shouldn’t.
but i made it: i went a whole month in germany as a 17 year old without drinking or partying, just standing in the corner feeling scandalized.
sometimes i felt like, “you know who i am? i’m jesus in the wilderness.”
when i got home, i said i would never study abroad again.
freiburg (2008/2009)
germany 2008-2009: a whole world opens up
but you know what?
that trip when i was 17 planted a seed in me.
i spent my entire junior year in germany studying at the university of freiburg!
my year in germany transformed me completely. i backpacked mostly alone across eastern europe: i visited slovenia, croatia, bosnia, kosovo, serbia, romania, hungary, the czech republic, poland, and macedonia. i was in italy, the netherlands, belgium, france. i stayed in hostels! in the dorms! i just like… made friends with strangers!!!
it was even easier to make friends with strangers!
“these people know nothing about me,” i would think. “i can be me!”
and i’ve gone back to germany often ever since.
me in bosnia (february 2009: this will have its own post lol!)
the fundamentalist obliterated
i remember once i just woke up in macedonia and there were ants crawling all over my room. immediately i packed my things, went to the bus station, and got on the first ride to kosovo with nothing booked in pristina (the capital).
i learned to love spontaneity after an initial visit during which i was constantly frozen in the corner.
you know what germany helped do?
germany helped obliterate the fundamentalist i was raised to be.
not only that: my experience in germany opened up more worlds to come! i studied in spain for a summer! i worked in india for ten months!
i often wonder:
what would have become of me, had i not gone to germany when i was 17?
transformation
transformation: that is the power of experiences abroad.
in that spirit, i am sharing 7 other writers on their own experiences abroad.
i hope you enjoy!
1. financing your time abroad
:“When financial constraints stand in the way, the dream of studying abroad often gets postponed, pushed aside by the immediate realities of life.
Instead of moving forward, we might find ourselves shelving these aspirations, waiting for a better time when funds are more accessible. However, this delay can turn into missed opportunities, and the dream slowly fades into the background, overshadowed by the challenges of day-to-day survival.
Navigating this challenge requires strategic planning and awareness of the various funding options. In this guide, we explore three effective ways to finance your education abroad, ensuring you can focus on your studies without being overwhelmed by financial concerns. When planning to fund your education abroad, there are several reliable methods to explore.”
2. just saying “fuck it”
:“To remind you guys, we booked a one-way ticket to Greece baby, we both sold everything, cars, clothes, a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g to get away from the USA. In our minds we didn’t want to return and for what? We were exhausted, overstimulated by the constant show and tell of being sold something, the 9-5 burn out, not having enough time to create, etc.”
3. friendships with people abroad
:Which is why your hometown feels intimate, and to share it, even more so. To pick up a friend from the airport, one that has never been to your city, or even your country. Almost like you’d whisper it to them after a night out, hoping they’re not quite awake by the time your lips spell it out.
“Marseille.”
A silent spell.
4. visiting the “home culture”
:“One thing that surprised me, but shouldn’t have, is that 99.9% of your peers who haven’t done this, probably won’t understand. Living in a foreign country, without speaking the language can be incredibly isolating. Not isolating from other people who live here but isolating from your old friends and family.
Most people from my past can only think of one thing to ask me which is, “how’s your Portuguese coming”. This is not a conversation starter. And if you know someone who’s moved to another country where they have to learn a new language, I beg you not to ask this question!!!”
5. spontaneously extending your stay
:“But surely the plane ticket change fees would be exorbitant—that is, if changing our flights was even an option. I braced myself to sit on hold forever with the airline.
“If you want to make a change, you only have to pay the difference in fares,” the Aer Lingus employee soothed me in his lilting Irish brogue, approximately thirty seconds after I dialed their corporate customer service number.
This was unexpected. “So I could stay longer, and fly back from an entirely different city”—I threw some hypothetical adjustments his way—“and it would only cost…”
“About a hundred and fifty dollars. For both tickets,” he clarified before my lips could form the question.
That was all well and good. But surely all those extra nights of lodging would break the bank?
Then I remembered my stash of unused credit card points, the travel equivalent of a treasure chest overflowing with gold bullion and loose gemstones.
And that’s how I ran out of excuses and found myself booking a last-minute extension of our Scotland trip: the Amsterdam leg, complete with a day trip to Brussels for Belgian waffles, chocolate, and beer.”
6. on clashing values
:In 2021, Viktor Orbán’s government proposed legislation designed to censor any ‘LGBT+ positive content’ in books, films, and public advertisements, while also restricting sex education in schools. Any material that was thought to ‘promote homosexuality’ was forbidden.
‘There’s a constitutional definition of ‘family’ as only between a man and a woman,’ one Hungarian friend told me ahead of my visit: ‘they say that: ‘the father is a man, the mother is a woman’, which shuts down the recognition of same-sex parents.’ ‘Legally, same-sex marriage is not accepted,’ another friend based in Budapest shared. ‘It's very hard, if not impossible technically, to adopt a child, if you live with a same-sex partner.’
For a writer who champions liberal values and celebrates tolerance, arriving in Hungary to launch a book that encourages independence, resilience, and freedom of expression - especially for children - feels, well, daunting.
7. on thinking europe will fix you
Elizabeth Coleman Ink (mentions disabled):
“Like so many Eat, Pray, Love lovers who’ve come after him, my American friend was using foreign cultures and people to fix him. Just one more of the untold alcoholics, lost souls, and troubled ex-pats I’ve met during my decades abroad—most of them running from something, rarely to anything.
Americans who came to Europe as an experiment, for a long-out-of-the-picture boyfriend or girlfriend, for a job teaching English, or to fix up a crumbling farmhouse—they all came for a dream. When that dream faded—because real life was hard and even more complex in a foreign country—if they had something to go home to, they did.
While those who remained did so because it was less awful to fail in Rome or Paris as an enigmatic expat than back home in front of their families in Fargo or Boston.”
more weekly readings:
discourse on our culture and girls
on finding and embracing ourselves
the magic of the night
perspectives on christianity & spirituality
why you should care what taylor swift thinks
Wow! I did expect such an amazing “ending” that is also a new beginning for you. Thank you for your wonderful article. And thank you so much for recommending me here!!! 🥰🥰
What an amazing story, and such a thoughtful roundup—I’m honored to be included! Cheers to the transformational powers of travel 🤗