my middle school memoir (salvation chronicles prologue)
religion, business ventures, girls, joan of arc, hair issues, video game design, fights, dreams of grandeur, geopolitics & war, letters to bill gates, pastors who love sex
dialogue improvised based on memory
all photos my own
tw: childhood trauma
this is the prologue to the salvation chronicles
one saturday night when I was 12, i converted a grown australian to christianity.
i was commanding my armies in a lengthy online game of age of empires 2. i was pretending that i was joan of arc and i was killing the english: i had a pink-covered biography of her that i loved. joan was my hero and i thought about her always.
it was around two in the morning a few days before the year 2000. i was concerned that the y2k bug would cause our house to blow up: i imagined wires dangling from the ceilings and i thought maybe power plants would just start exploding. i told a girl on aim that if anything bad happened i would come save her. but i wasnβt so worried about the y2k bug just then: just then i was in the middle of an online game of age of empires: and based on the news analystsβ prognostications it could be my last.
in the middle the map there raged an epic battle involving armies controlled by eight human players. it was a four vs. four matchup in its fifth hour.
my side included the australian. i testified to him.
βare you a christian?β i asked in the chat.
βno,β he responded. βdonβt believe in god at all mate.β
i added his microsoft username to msn messenger so we could discuss his faith after the game. at church, we sometimes brought up the names of non-believers needing our prayers: they would go to hell, we were reminded, if we didnβt help them. but tonight, i would do more than just pray. i would take action and save this soul.
i let him concentrate on the game while planning what i would say to him.
by around four in the morning, the game was over. we had won this overnight saga.
i chatted on msn messenger with the doomed australian.
i told him a story my pastor told us.
an arrogant atheist went to get his haircut. the men in the barber shop tried to convince him that god loved him and would forgive him for his sins.
βcome to jesus,β they told him. βand you will have eternal life. otherwise, you will go to hell.β
he laughed at them. he stormed out, got on his motorcycle, and peeled off.
just as he hit maximum speed, his bike tipped sideways. his face smashed into the surface of a metal pole.
the christians getting their haircuts had tried to pray for him. they had even warned him. but it was too late. now he is burning in hell.
βyou could die at any time,β i typed to the australian. βjust like the biker. had he only repented right before then, heβd be in heaven. instead, heβs being tortured by demons in hell. Just think about it. you think itβs so fun??? drugs?? sex?? just wait until youβre in hell dude. itβs a powerful thing to realize. but until the moment you die, itβs not too late to accept godβs love for you and confess your sins to jesus.βΒ
it was a long time before he responded.
βand if i die first?β
βlike i said,β i typed, βif you die first, you will go to hell.β
another long pause.
βunfortunately,β i added.
βbut why?β he asked. βwhy would god send me to hell if he loves me???β
βhe doesnβt want to send you to hell!β i said. βin fact, he loves you so much he sent his son to die for you. thatβs why jesus died and suffered. so the father wouldnβt have to punish you! but if you donβt accept the sacrifice, the father will have to punish you. i mean, think about it. if you do something bad, isnβt it your dadβs responsibility to punish you? well, itβs the same with god. youβre being bad, god has to punish you, right? we all know we are bad, right? we all know we need forgiveness.β
βhow can you know this?β the australian asked. βiβm a thirty-year-old man, kid. youβre 12. you donβt get it.β
he told me about some horrible things he had done. everyone in his life hated him now. he was addicted to drugs, he told me. he had been in prison for an undisclosed crime. he had treated his wife like shit. his whole family despised him.
βno matter what those people think, and no matter what you did to any of them, god still loves you, jesus still loves you,β i typed. βit doesnβt matter what youβve done. even if you killed or kidnapped someone. even if youβre hitler and you committed genocide, it does not matter at all. god still loves you SO MUCH. he created you. you are special to him and he loves you so much. he will forgive you if you take him as your lord.β
βno, he wonβt forgive me, he doesnβt love me,β he said. βiβm too evil. you donβt understand. youβre just 12. iβm too evil. no one could forgive me.β
βi forgive you,β i said. βand so does god.β
βiβm honestly crying right now,β he responded. βyou donβt know what Iβve done.β
βgod will always love you, my friend. always. i know it.β
βhow can you know that?β
βbecause i feel godβs presence inside me,β i typed. βjesus is my best friend. itβs not just a religion. itβs a relationship with christ. he speaks to me. i feel him inside my heart.β
we talked for another hour about all of his sins. he told me about his whole life, so many details, and i promised him that god loved him all the same.
βand i love you too, brother,β i typed.
βyouβve reduced me to literal tears, mate,β the australian told me. βyouβve saved my life.β he hesitated for a while, but i guess we had been talking for so long he felt comfortable: βi was honestly going to kill myself before this conversation.β
βi am so happy, brother,β i said. βare you ready to confess your sins and give your heart to christ? are you ready to make jesus your lord and savior?β
βyes,β he said. βi can already feel the love of jesus.β
βthen say this out loud,β i wrote. βdear jesus, i have sinned. i am a filthy and awful sinner. please forgive me. i accept the blood you shed for me on the cross. please come into my heart and be my lord and savior. i love you jesus.β
βi said it,β he told me. βi feel so much better. itβs just like you said! i can feel the holy spirit inside me. i am saved! i am saved!! i am saved!!! i canβt believe god sent you into my life. i canβt believe there is forgiveness for someone like me. i love my life!!!β
βiβm so happy,β i typed. βmy heart is rejoicing for you! godβs forgiveness has no limits.β
βyouβve saved me,β he said. βyouβve changed my entire life. i honestly canβt believe it.β
**********************
the next day, i went back to working on my business enterprise.
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