why my haim crocs are so special to me
as another substacker, kristen garaffo, recently reminded us, "the vibes are literally everything"
until recently, i had never truly picked out my own clothes. of course, i had gone to the store where i selected and purchased clothingβ¦ but i never allowed myelf to have a vision of what i wanted, and i never let myself go anywhere near the feminine apparel which always caught my eyes. i would confine myself to selecting clothing - mostly very dark - from the menβs section, based on my interpretation of menβs fashion rubrics
my understanding of menβs fashion was always extremely vague. nothing about menβs fashion even remotely interested me, and the idea of buying clothes filled me with dread. once i was being measured by a tailor for a new suit. he kept asking me questions about my preferences regarding various specific variations on how the pants might fit or whatever: i donβt even know. and right there, i was so overwhelmed: what did i care about how my suit looked? nothing about the suit made me feel good about myself. the suit was for other people. the purpose of this suit was not to make me feel good. the purpose of this suit was to earn other peopleβs approval of me. i stuck with dark grey, which i felt was a better way to express myself than black
i spiraled with anxiety as these basic questions kept coming. finally, i blurted out, my whole face contorted with an angst that made the scampering attendants visibly uncomfortable: βjust make me look like any other man!β
it was terrible. all around me there were colors and styles i knew that i loved, but i did not dare reach out for them, especially since my father was with me
now, having embraced my genderfluidity, i have finally been selecting my own clothing based on my own criteria! and i just fucking love it!!! but i admit, i still sometimes find myself slipping into the same mentality i held when i was trying my best to act out the behaviors and tastes of a cishet man, except itβs a bit different now
now i want to look hot, i want to look pretty, i want to look good!and obviously the internet is a tempting place to search for ways to achieve these abstract goals
and one of my favorite reads on the internet so far this week was
βs post βthe hot girls guide to cleaning your closet.β what kristen emphasizes is what seems to be a core life philosophy for her, and it is such a great philosophy: vibe!βYou donβt have to do it exactly like this, but remember, the vibes are literally everything. Have a moment with each of your garments, check in with how they make you feel, then make your piles accordingly.β
and beyond vibe: feelings! connection and relationships with our clothes!
βThe vibes in my closet after 5 hours of work are fierce. As I sifted through my dresses that hung in my closet post-edit, little butterflies fluttered in my tummy. Each garment felt like a friend, and I found myself complimenting each of them, one by one. It went something like,
Hey gorg!
Ugh, youβre stunning.
Loooove
Youβre gorgeous!
Bestieeee
YES
I love you!!The only garments that remain in my closet now are all βhell yesβ pieces. Pieces that I love wearing, and canβt wait to put on my body again.β
please go check kristenβs full article out for yourself!
i just love the way kristen emphasizes the connection between feelings and clothing: fashion is not about trying to interpret someone elseβs standards of hotness and then apply them uncertainly to yourself! fashion, to me, is about how what we are wearing makes us feel
do we feel connected to ourselves or alienated from ourselves?
do we look at ourselves and see ourselves or do we see someone we are not?
do we wake up excited to put on new clothes or we dread the moment of choice?
do we meet other people and really feel like we are putting forward our authentic selves in terms of the way we are dressed? or are we taking on some other identity?
do we love the way we look? do we love to think about how we look in our clothes?
to me, these are such important questions, but another question is the emotional attachment between the wearer and the objects itself, which kristen so beautifully emphasizes.
i recently learned the hard way what can happen when we apply the answers to these questions. when i came out as queer, it did not go well with many people. i bought a print of a witch at night, floating through the air on a string with her cat, and i said: βthis is who i am inside.β but for me to wear girly thingsβ¦ to step outside the expectations of gender, adulthood, and maturityβ¦ to simply embrace and wear the things that truly made me feel connected to who i was insideβ¦ this was too much a violation of the norms which some of the people in my life had internalized. i had finally chosen things for myself, and there were people who were horrified by me.
itβs so hard to step outside the standards we are assigned, whether that means deviating from our assigned gender norms or simply letting go of our beliefs about what will make us βhotβ or even simply just βacceptableβ to other people. it does take real courage to embrace what makes us feel hot when we think about ourselves
if we want to feel hot, we need to connect with our clothing, even hold intimate conversations with our clothing items like kristen suggests: we need the vibes that kristen so convincingly urges us to nurture. i read this somewhere, maybe it was here, someone please tell me where it came from: βhotness is a feeling.β so fucking true.
the first time i ever bought crocs, i wanted so many of the brightly colored girly ones but i was too afraid. i bought these absurd, basically industrial solid black rocks: they looked like crocs you could take out into the construction yard. my friends laughed their asses off and made fun of me to the point i got rid of my crocs!
but now, when someone makes fun of what i am wearing, i never have the slightest inclination to get rid of it. someone looked at my crocs and said, βmaybe those would be good for a child.β i just laugh at this stuff. know why? because i love what iβm wearing and it makes me feel great about myself. thatβs what truly matters. when someone makes fun of me, i always look down at my accessories and smile. now that i am using my clothing to truly express and connect with myself, i do not depend on the affirmation of other people: of course i want it, but its lack doesnβt slow me down
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Omg reading this was everythingggg!! πππ
1. Ok those Crocs are so cutie π
2. Hotness IS a feeling! And personal style will always be the vibeβwearing clothes that make you feel like you, happy, hot, put together, thatβs all that matters π₯Ή It goes beyond trends and itβs more about the things we love and the energy we have wearing them π
3. Thank you so much for sharing your journey, I am SO happy youβre now wearing the things that feel like you and bring you joy, regardless of what others may think. Fashion is so powerful, YOU are so powerful and I wish I could give you a hug and then like, go pink scrunchie shopping or something ππβ¨ Thank you again for sharing your heart so bravely and openly!!
That Kristen Garaffo was so good, I loved that oen too! And yes the VIBES!
Also the crocs are SO cute!